As I understand HIM

I’ve talked with people that seem to get to a place in their sobriety where they feel lost and don’t know what they believe or how they got confused and seemingly unguided.  When I asked them about the steps they tell me that they’ve worked the steps.  So I ask about their prayer life and their relationship with God and they tell me that they don’t know what they believe.  It dawned on me that the 2nd step seems to be getting overlooked.  Too much emphasis is being put on explaining the insanity that the coming to believe part is becoming ignored.  I was told  Come then Come to then Come to believe.  It dawned on me this morning that in the beginning this worked but for long term sobriety it didn’t work for me. I had to go farther.  In the beginning I went on with the steps believing that something could restore my sanity but not knowing what. For a long time I had an undefined God or HP and I didn’t understand it at all.   It wasn’t until working the steps through again later in sobriety that I focused on the word believe and I starting inquiring about what it is I actually believe concerning God.  It occurred to me that once I knew what and in whom I believed then I was able to make a decision to turn my life over to God knowing that He would care for me.  Until I knew in whom I believed, I didn’t know  if that power would care for me and thus my resistance to turn things over to Him.  I’ve heard at meetings for years people saying that they’ve turned their lives over to the care of God that they don’t understand.  The step clearly says as we understood Him.  It says twice in the steps as we understood Him and both accounts have been italicized.  Now if we aren’t supposed to understand Him then why did Bill and the 100 others write it in the steps twice and italicize it?? I really never had happiness and contentment in sobriety until I came to understand Him.   I had to come to believe in a power that could restore my sanity.  I found out that nature, men, money, jobs, even the fellowship of AA could not restore it.  Only God could restore me.   Today, I do understand God and I believe and know that He can help me do anything I need to do today.  I am fully surrendered to His will and plan for my life and I don’t wonder if He thinks about me but I KNOW He does and that He loves me and cares for me.  Today, I know God as the God of the Bible and Jesus is my Lord and Savior.     

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