What it was like…. What its like now!

I remember when I first came into AA…I wanted to die.   I hated life..I hated everyone around me..and I was sure that you hated me too.   I wanted the pain to stop but I no longer could remember what I did before I started drinking or drugging.  I didn’t know how to live life with or without alcohol.  I was at that jumping off place.  I listened at meetings and I heard a lady sharing about how empty she was and I could relate.  She cried in the meeting that night and I watched how everyone comforted her and how they even seemed to share her pain.  That really had an impact on me…it was like I could see that these people were real and not being phony.  I wasn’t used to that.  I kept coming back and eventually let them get to know me too.  They didn’t run away..they didn’t tell me I was junk.  They outstretched their arms and told me they loved me and wanted to help.  They told me that God didn’t make junk.  I opened my heart slowly to these people with the solution and they started sharing it with me.  I started getting better.  Today, my life is full and I’m grateful to be alive.  I thank God every morning for another day to serve Him and my fellows.  Today I have inexpressible joy, love and laughter.  Today God makes me whole and fills the void that I tried so hard to fill with alcohol.  My whole attitude and outlook on life has changed.  I was sure that i wouldn’t live past the age of 18.  I was 2 years sober on my 18th birthday!!  I just turned 41 and I’m still happy and sober.  I would never have thought that I would still be here after all these years.  God has been so good to me!  He surely loved me when i didn’t love him or myself.   They told me that it just gets better and when I think it can’t get any better..guess what?  it just gets better…and when i definitely think that it can’t get much better…guess what?  It Does get better and better and better.

Thanks for listening!

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