25 years ago today, I was voluntarily told I would be in a Psychiatric Adolescent Unit for two months. Inside I was glad to be away from the world. The first night I remember asking the tech that was watching me to sneak booze in for me the next day and put it in my closet . The insane part of that was that I actually believed he would do it and was very disgruntled to not find it waiting for me. I still had no clue what my problem was but I just wanted to die. Nobody understood me and I was sure that nobody wanted to either. I was a rebellious teen with a foul mouth and I was ready to unleash it when I didn’t get my way. I walked around looking tough on the outside and my goal at the time was to make people afraid of me. Respect is what I wanted and I thought I would gain that through fear.
Through Gods grace, I’m told that I don’t resemble that girl at all today. It took awhile for the rebellion and foul mouth to get cleaned up and even longer for the cigarettes to be removed but when I sincerely asked God to remove the obsession and compulsion to drink alcohol and drugs, He did. I’m grateful that I haven’t had to use since the day that I walked into that treatment center. In two months I walked out of there with the fear of using not the fear of living. In the past 25 years I’ve learned how to live life on lifes terms in the low places, in the high places and every place in between. They told me at one of my first AA meetings that I’d never have to pick up a drink or a drug again and they were right. I’ve learned how to reach out to God as my support and problem solver today. I knew He was the creator of the universe when I got here but I stuck around long enough to find out that He could solve ALL my problems as well. Keep Coming Back is something that I’ve not only said but that I’ve actually acted on. I’ve kept coming back when I graduated high school, when I got married, when some friends died, when friends got married, when they told me I couldn’t have children, when I delivered my beautiful little girl, when we were in financial troubles, when all our bills were paid, when my dog died, when we moved to other states, when there was sickness in my family, when I was angry, holidays that were great, holidays that weren’t so great. I kept coming back and put my trust in God and He’s never let me down yet. I don’t believe He ever will. That’s how it works for me.