I’m so glad that we don’t have to get this all at once because my understanding of God has grown and developed over the years. When I came into the program I was not looking for God. I had thought that I had closed the door on Him and I didn’t want to look back. In my mind I was too horrible for God and I knew that I had done things that He hated so I was sure that he hated me.
Today, I have a relationship with God and a much deeper understanding of Him and His will for me. It helped me to find out that Gods love for me is unconditional and that only I could keep myself from Him by not receiving His forgiveness. I really didn’t know what true forgiveness was because I had never truly forgiven anyone and I never felt truly forgiven by anyone. I lived by the saying forgive but don’t forget. So naturally, I thought God worked that way too. He was up in heaven somewhere keeping a tally of all my bad deeds and eventually I was going to have to pay the penalty for them. I didn’t know that because of His love for me that my penalty had already been paid. He had forgiven me already but I hadn’t received it because I didn’t know it was already done. I definitely had contempt prior to investigation. I had to learn about Gods love and His forgiveness and that nothing I had done or could do had stopped Him from loving me. Just like a parent doesn’t stopping loving their child when they disobey, God didn’t stop loving me when I did or do things that don’t please Him. God wants us to come to Him like we are and then He will clean us up. Just like when we first come into the program we are broken, battered and bruised, sick and tired of being sick and tired and then we get sobered up and the promises start coming true for us and our lives change. I didn’t have to get cleaned up first before coming to God. I came and asked Him into my heart and then He began to work on me. God is not counting my deeds against me anymore. He’s not mad at me and He’s not mad at you either. Unlike us, He remembers them no more. There is no tally board that He’s keeping on me or you. The more I surrender myself to Him the more He can show me what to do. I know today there is NOTHING I can do that God cannot heal or correct. Today I’m sure of His love for me