Selfishness the Root of the Problem


It’s amazing to see that after years of sobriety people in these rooms can be so easily decieved into believing they are doing just fine.  Their lives are on track, their defects not as glaring but the selfishness is still firmly rooted in them and they don’t see it.  Most of their time is now focused on their new good life and they have tricked their hearts and minds into believing that this is not selfishness but self-love.  Now don’t get me wrong there is a time when we must learn how to love ourselves but this is not what I’m referring to.  What I’m referring to is the lack of selflessness that comes from reaching out to help others out of the alcoholic pit.  It seems that many AA’s are satisfied with their lives after working the steps, making amends and having restored relationships that they forget about the true message of AA.  That its because many people shared sobriety with them that they can now have a restored life. They forget that the message of Alcoholics Anonymous is to be carried to those still suffering.  Their sobriety is maintained at a mediocre level because they lack the joy and faith that comes from working with others.  I have many people tell me that they want what I have but they never get it.  Its because they lack the one thing that I refuse to give up and that is working with others.  I’ve actually had them turn down people and tell them to call me instead.  They aren’t realizing that they are turning down an opportunity for growth and handing it off to me which I gladly accept.  I’m so grateful that people were there to answer the phone when I called.  I’m glad that the meeting was always open and that there was always someone to chair the meetings I attended.  I understand that when I first came in that I need d to accept help and soak it all in but there comes a time in sobriety when we must step up and start giving back.  This is a sign of true maturity, the ability to let go of self so that someone else might be helped.  To continue to be a taker and hang on to our selfish nature is not a sign of spiritual growth.  We grow spiritually when we reach out and help others.    Am I still rooted in selfishness?  Am I still mainly concerned with myself and my life or am I concerned about others and how I may be a blessing to them?

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4 responses to “Selfishness the Root of the Problem

  1. This is where we need to be careful, for we are all selfish self-center drunks. I have seen it the other way as well. I have had the problem of others asking for a sponsor and not wanting to do what they need to do. So they head to another and another till they bounce out of A.A. I find for myself these types of topic are more about me than others. I get angry that those around me are not following or working the program the way I think they should. I don’t know what is on their plate and at times I am too selfish to care. I want them to be like; I think God wants them to be, ” like me.” It is not my job to decide what God is doing in their life. I can only be concerned with what He is doing in mine. Do I help the sick and suffering, I try when it comes my way, more time then not my help is fleeting. I do what I can and leave the rest to God. When we stop and look at it A.A. can be a lot like church but the defects are more large and in charge. Most only want to go as far as they need too. In A.A. most want the Judge and courts off their backs and the pain to go away, once that is done they are happy. Back to living life. Church people are similar, they go church to socialize, listen to the pastor and ask
    God forgiveness, throw their money in the plate and go on with their lives. Those that want more are welcome to it. You and I happen to be those that want more, we want, we need to be disciples and feed God sheep. We need Him and we know and we know that all those we just spoke of need it as well. Our job is to Feed the sheep God brings to us and let go, trust God is doing what he planed. Keep working on our relationship with Abba. Love you. take care.

    • Wow, Tracy! Thank you, you are right on target. I am angered and judging others thinking they should respond like I do. I appreciate your honesty. I needed to hear that.

  2. I have been sober 2.5 years and I have had three people come to me about a problem with alcohol…i have a hard time knowing WHAT EXACTLY I need to say to them… I want desperately to help these friends in need but feel held back for fear of saying the wrong thing.

    • When you share your experience, strength and hope you can’t say anything wrong because you are sharing how you have stayed sober. You have 2.5 years of experience being sober and getting sober. Share how it worked for you and what you had to do to stay sober because it has worked!!! You are successfully sober and that is why they are asking….they must see in you something they want. Tell them what helped you in the beginning. God will NEVER let you down when you open your mouth to speak and share how your life has changed. Just like you trust Him with your sobriety….Trust Him to give you words to speak. HUGS, Cheryl

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